Campus crime update: brass knuckes, parking deception and too much to drink

Incidents occurred between Oct. 25 and Oct. 31.

Warrants and ruckus

Brass knuckles are called ‘poing américain’ in French, which is literally translated as an ‘American punch.’ Apparently, Americans used these tools during the Civil War to beat each other up. One San Francisco 19th century fanatic had an aluminum pair on him when campus police stopped him and his friend driving on Sloat Boulevard last Thursday around 7 p.m. Not only did he have knuckles on him, he also had 11 active traffic warrants totaling $3,488. He was taken to jail and his driver was cited for driving with a suspended license.

Lazy parking

Parking at SF State is as enjoyable as receiving a rectal exam from a porcupine. So it makes sense that one student tried to park in a handicap spot using a fake handicap pass as they ran to their Important Marsupials of Late Antiquity class last Wednesday. While parking is difficult, it doesn’t make it right to take a parking space from someone who could use it (and who is also presumably late to the same class.) The person was cited for their fraudulent pass and was released.

Things that go burp in the night

Although Halloween wouldn’t be until the following Monday, one ruffian decided to drink and party last Tuesday evening around 8 p.m., and was found intoxicated and unconscious. Their chosen location for his early fright night phantasmagoria was between the Humanities and Fine Arts buildings. This person clearly wanted to party with the ancient Egyptian artifacts located on the fifth floor of the Humanities. Perhaps they were hoping mummies would boogie with them? At any rate, the police apprehended this individual and sent them to UCSF to receive medical treatment.

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