Here’s an update on campus crimes that occurred between November 24 and December 2.
‘Tis the Season to be an A-hole
This year’s Black Friday shop-a-thon consisted of door-busting sales around the U.S. and an incident where one woman pepper-sprayed a fellow shopper to nab a Microsoft Xbox 360, presumably because playing Dance Central 2 is more valuable than that person’s eyesight. However, news networks missed the true shopping deal this year: breaking into people’s stuff. A student reported $1500 worth of possessions were stolen from her Creative Arts locker over Thanksgiving Break, including her awesome guitar. And then, there were two reports of cars that had been broken into last week, between Thursday and Friday. The first incident was a student’s car parked on Tapia Drive and the second was a University-owned vehicle parked on Buckingham Way. Why play Forza Motorsport on an Xbox 360 when one can drive a stolen vehicle? Or why play Rock Band when using a real guitar is just as fun? Happy holidays jerks!
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Roommate
Back on the 90s, Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots were the all the rage. Beating up your neighbor’s blue bot with your red bot made settling the Biggie and Tupac beef much easier. Then, Socker Boppers came onto the scene and allowed anyone to punch others silly with super-inflated beach balls fastened as boxing gloves. The ’90s were painful, but fun as hell. So in that spirit, two roommates threw the ’90s toys out altogether and had good, old-fashioned fisticuffs at their Buckingham Way apartment November 27. An officer arrived to settle the dispute and had one of the roommates leave for the evening to settle down. The cause of the altercation was uncertain, but hopefully they’ll resolve their disputes using stuff from their toy box.
Merry Brick-mas Everybody!
One person really wanted to replicate the snowball fight from Elf with Will Ferrell November 24, but no snow was to be found at SF State! Forlorn, he wandered the campus until, behold, he saw a mortar rectangle lying on the ground. Its red surface invoked the holiday season and his mind filled with memories of warm pies, family fun, and christmas lights everywhere. Inspired, he lifted this brick, imagined it as a snowball made from a fresh snowfall, and threw it auspiciously into the air as a sign of his own upward success. The brick–no–this beacon, would represent his hopes and dreams and everything Christmas means to him. And though still without snow, he smiled knowing that freshman year was going to be all right. Then, the brick broke a window near Mary Ward Hall and he ran. Police made a report.