Cheers to the Freakin’ Weekend

What better way to celebrate the end of winter break than having a few drinks in the Student Services building? That’s what one thirsty, underage college student did before a police officer cited her Jan. 21. Apparently, the excitement of a new semester was too much to bear and she just had to pop open a bottle with faculty nearby in the Bursar’s Office. Bottoms up!

Red Eye Gone Wrong

UPD responded to complaints by a Towers resident who nearly went blind after being the unlucky recipient of numerous lasers aimed at his eyes from a mysterious location. The victim chose not to press charges after the assailants were identified. He may not have known, but the antagonists were in the midst of a Star Wars battle. Clearly, the force was not with them.

Pencil Thief Not the Sharpest

An SF State student was cited for shoplifting in the Bookstore Jan. 27. Seemingly intimidated by more extravagant items like highlighters and plastic-coated paper clips, the student slipped several dozen pencils into his pockets before attempting to make a run for it home to presumably add to his pencil fort (is there any other reason to steal two dozen pencils?). The alarm screamed as he walked through the door with almost $10 worth of unpaid pencils.