Here’s a brief update on campus crimes that took place between Oct. 12 and Oct. 18.

Footlong Fisticuffs

Never get in between a person and their $5 footlong. A fight broke out at the Subway on-campus Sunday, requiring campus police to respond. While reviewing the records of the sandwich combatants, police found that one of the fighters had a $50,000 warrant out for his or her arrest in Riverbank, Calif. For the curious, that warrant could purchase roughly 9,124 toasted footlong sandwiches (after taxes. Gotta have toasted sandwiches!) and would be one footlong for every three people in the 22,678 city population of Riverbank. The suspect was taken into custody and the other fighters were barred from returning to campus.

Patrón Perambulation

Public intoxication, underaged possession of alcohol, and resisting arrest are misdemeanors in California. However, these minor incidents do carry larger implications when applying for jobs in the future. So, one student clearly wasn’t thinking about this when they walked down Holloway Avenue drunk last Wednesday and fled when police attempted to talk to him or her. The alcohol must have convinced them that running drunk from police is 10 times more effective than doing so sober. Not the case.

Parental Advisory

It’s no secret that many San Franciscans incorporate cannabis therapy into their daily lives. That said, it is not condoned here at SF State. One student decided to take a toke last Saturday in Mary Park Hall and was busted by campus police after they originally came to break up a party involving alcohol. Campus police may have chosen the worst (and most effective) punishment for a freshman caught smoking herb: They had the student’s parents come and pick them up. Grounded!