Here’s a brief update on campus crimes that occurred between October 31 and November 7.

Help a granny out

Sometimes a story appears in the crime blotter that’s reminiscent of a grandmother’s cooking, Norman Rockwell paintings and the good-ol’ days (like when Nickelodeon had the best kids programming in the world. Shout out to “Clarissa Explains it All”). Police assisted an elderly woman last Friday who needed help getting back into her bed. While it’s unclear why she left it or why she needed assistance, it’s good to see police helping people rather than firing rubber pellets at them.

Attempted kidnapping in Parkmerced

In what may be the most frightening crime blotter incident yet, a woman reported that a man in a black ski mask attempted to kidnap her into a white van last Tuesday in Parkmerced around 5:30 p.m. The kidnapper was described as a 6-foot-4, 300-pound male of unknown ethnic heritage with green eyes driving an white van with possible damage to the sliding-door window. Walk in groups if possible.

Early morning alarm

When working out in the morning, many choose to run on the treadmill, or practice weightlifting before heading out to class for the day. Another formidable tactic is pulling the fire alarm and running out of the building pretending there is a fire. It’s excellent use of leg muscles and fast thinking! Last Monday around 8:43 a.m., a fire alarm went off in the gymnasium, only to find out it was pulled by an employee. While there’s no comment on if there was a fire, perhaps the employee just wanted to inspire athletes to run as fast as they could?