Window Watching

Remember the “Jurassic Park” scene where the velociraptors were looking for the kids in the kitchen? Well, a similar scene went down last Thursday at noon when a person was caught snooping in apartment windows along Winston Drive. They were presumably searching for small children to consume or fertilized dinosaur embryos. The culprit was cited for reenacting 90s movies and was released at the scene.

The roof, the roof is on fire!

Pyromania, a disorder where one starts fires to relieve tension (or to take revenge on the neighbor’s cat) can be diagnosed at the age of three. And while it’s a rare disorder that affects fewer than one percent of the population, perhaps one affected individual may have been accepted into SF State. After various false fire alarm pulls this semester, an actual fire caused an alarm at 2 a.m. last Friday morning in Mary Ward Hall. Police concluded that the fire was deliberate. Students were evacuated from the building and the fire was extinguished. So, make sure to watch for anyone with a blow torch and a pack of American Spirits. They may have other intentions.

Breaking in the bike barn

Criminals often says “never return to the scene of a crime” because, well, the police will probably be looking for them the next day. One thief (who probably wasn’t apart of a larger crime syndicate with its job trainings, perks, and dental package) stole a bike from the Bike Barn last Monday afternoon. A student reported the theft to the police who took a report. The next day, the police found a person who they suspected to be the thief from the day before at the bike barn. The person, who had burglary tools on them (presumably from ACME) and provided a false name to the police, was arrested and taken to jail.