A Dirty D.I.Y. Deed

University police took a report of a Parkmerced resident whose clothes had been damaged and sprayed with bleach April 16, amounting to up to $600 in losses. Perhaps the unknown perpetrator had been so inspired by the funky fashions they had seen during Coachella’s opening weekend that they decided to experiment with acid wash denim and ripped up concert tees at the expense of their roommate’s wardrobe. Either way, it’s a bold look.

Secondhand Drunk

Officers cited a subject on Vidal Drive around 12:05 a.m. April 20 for underage possession of alcohol. While he was not reported as intoxicated, he had been drinking and was found shouting at the location. When one of your of-age friends asks you to hold her vodka and cranberry while she pees, think twice before she stumbles off toward the Parkmerced hedges.

Got Munchies?

After questioning a suspicious-looking subject near the Station Cafe around 10:30 p.m. April 20, officers found that he was in possession of narcotics and immediately took him to the county jail. UPD likely didn’t realize the celebrating stoner – who hadn’t figured out the cafe closed five hours earlier – was still waiting for his gallon of water and Nutella and banana bagel.