Occupy the Basketball Courts

Officers approached a subject shooting some sweet hoops after hours in the Gymnasium Oct. 26. The subject became argumentative when asked to leave and to supply the officer with identification. Come on, Mr. Officer, you should have challenged this hooligan to a game of 1-on-1 or something. Ignore the paperwork that is involved in citing this imitation LeBron James. Just put on your “Space Jam” jersey and start bumping Aaron Carter’s “That’s How I Beat Shaq” in the background — you’re bound to win.

I’m Two-Tired

The tires were reported stolen from a vehicle on Lake Merced Boulevard Oct. 24. Officers responded, searched the location and found nothing. These tires probably come from a student’s cheap car and lack decent financial value, so trading them in the tire black market probably won’t get you that ‘93 Honda Civic you’ve always wanted. Kindly give this person their tires back and get a bus pass like the rest of us poor students.

Mo’ Taggin, Mo’ Money

While on patrol Oct. 24, an officer on duty spotted graffiti on Buckingham Way. Perhaps this little Banksy was a precursor to the recent acts of vandalism that took place downtown this past Sunday night. We are all excited that the Giants won the World Series, but come on, San Francisco: Tipping trucks over and setting crap on fire doesn’t make you appear as progressive and civil as you like to think you are. It makes you look like Vancouver when the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup Finals to the Boston Bruins in 2011 and let’s be honest, no one wants to be compared to a bunch of Canadians, eh?