Here’s a brief update on campus crimes that occurred between August 22 and August 27.

Three sheets to the wind

According to a World Health Organization report on global alcohol consumption, the United States ranks number 57, with the saxophone champions of Moldova ranking number one.  On August 27, in an attempt to dethrone those smug Moldovians from the top spot, a patriotic SF State student drank in defense of freedom (I assume her friends chanted, “USA!” in the background.) Unfortunately, her patriotism shadowed her stomach and she vomited. She was treated and released.

Swiper, no swiping!

While the SF State bookstore offers many promotions and discounts, they do not offer the coveted five-finger discount that our British cohorts enjoyed oh so much a couple weeks ago (that’s shoplifting for the innocent readers). Last Friday, two separate frugalistas invoked the discount at the bookstore, but were told that it is illegal in the U.S. They were cited and released.

A game of Tag

Speaking of Brits, English graffiti artist Banksy inspired a generation when he decorated San Francisco last April. One SF State student decided to leave his interpretation of Neo-western colonialism (or rather his sprayed-on name) over in the Village last Saturday. At the time of this report, there were no leads.