Next SF State president must understand student issues, have nice facial hair

SF State will soon be starting the search for its next leader, since current President Robert A. Corrigan announced his impending retirement last week. He has served the University for 23 years, and left some big shoes to fill.  His heir should be at least a size 23 foot, the same size as Shaquille O’Neal. Herewith, a few other suggestions for the CSU Board of Trustees before they make their Craigslist posting in search of the lucky 13th SF State president (and only some of them are tongue-in-cheek).

  • Is presently or has served as a vice president on a college campus so that they know what to expect from political wrangling in an academic environment — knowing is half the battle!
  • Has nice hair and facial hair, if applicable, preferably salt and pepper in color for the distinguished look.  This certainly helps with the inevitable editorial cartoons that will dissect and mock their every action.
  • Likes long walks on the beach, or around campus, assuming they can find their way out of the ivory tower.
  • Knows and understands students’ struggles, possibly even a student once themselves. No joke here. It really is preferable to have someone on the students side when it comes to the budget, tuition, class selection and all the other multitudes of issues that keep every university president awake at night.
  • Owns a full professional wardrobe. While skinny jeans and a scarf might be de riguer for 99 percent of the campus, a nice suit might be more appropriate. Purple and gold ties preferable, and maybe a tweed jacket with some elbow pads and skinny jeans for casual Friday.
  • Can pay their own rent or mortgage. See previous editorial. Craigslist can help you find something on a budget. Welcome to San Francisco!
  • Has been a professor and had classroom experience. This experience can then be pulled out at every Academic Senate meeting to boost your street cred with the profs.
  • Their name must start with Dr. or it’s a no-go. While the street cred goes a long way with the professors, this will help you with the administrators. No one argues with a doctor!
  • Valid driver’s license. This will help expand your options for housing. We hear there are some great deals on great houses down the Peninsula.
  • This position includes a six-figure salary, a secretary, private office and a profile written by the Golden Gate Xpress. Oh, and we hear a kick-ass inauguration party.

While many of us on staff won’t be here to see the next president, we hope that he or she is up to the budget woes that will continue to face the state and our University.  Please stay open-minded and willing to do what is right for students and faculty, because without them there would be no SF State. Let us know if you need any tips. We’ll be posting them on the opinion page weekly.