The Ins And Outs: The dos and don'ts of dirty talk

I’m going to get on top of you and hold you down, your wrists above your head and my mouth at your ear, whispering every juicy little thing I love about what I’m doing to you. Do you like that?

Of course you do. Everyone loves a little dirty talk.

“I think that’s considered some of the most dirty talk is when you just describe exactly what you’re going to do to someone or what you want to do to someone pertaining to a sexual act,” said physiology major Brianna Williams, 21, a peer sexual health educator at SF State.

A lot of talking dirty boils down to pure creativity, but there are some clear DO’s and DON’Ts on the subject, according to dirty talking expert Chey of StefanosandChey.com, who teaches workshops on the topic.

DO get to know your partner. Ask what your partner likes and doesn’t like in terms of language usage and fantasies. If he gets turned on at the thought of being blown by a trucker, you have to know! Just knowing what to say already puts you in a great position to start.

DO engage in storytelling. Giving blow-by-blow descriptions of what your partner is about to experience is what talking dirty is all about! But don’t be afraid to tell them their most outlandish and dirty fantasy in explicit detail, either: You both know you’re not going to be surrounded by hookers and forced to have sex in the middle while they record it, but it could add some amazing fuel to the fire and adds to the anticipation. And if you’re running out of ideas, look up an erotic story online and take turns reading it to each other.

DO pay attention to the tone of your voice and word choice. “People are drawn in by adjectives – juicy, wonderful, moist words to describe anything you are talking about. Use sensual words; this draws their attention to their body and their senses,” Chey recommends.

DON’T start without doing your background research. Nothing will kill the mood faster than talking about someone’s biggest turn-offs and using language they don’t like. Not asking beforehand is no excuse.

DON’T only talk about what you like. If you’re talking dirty to your partner, both parties need to be equally engaged and that’s not going to happen if it’s one-sided. No one wants to hear all about you.

DON’T overdo the repetition. Repeating a phrase like “I know you like that” can be sexy, but hearing it 30 times in a row is just plain annoying. If you’re out of fresh material, do something else with your mouth.

Most importantly, DON’T take it too seriously! This is supposed to be fun for everyone involved so DO have fun with it. Get creative. Make threats or promises, ask explicit questions, use different languages or just experiment. It’s up to you.

And remember: Practice makes perfect.

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