Campus crime update: Theft, a hit-and-run and elevator vandalism

A Pirate’s Life 

A female student reported her vehicle was burglarized while parked on 19th Avenue Feb. 15. Presumably, the robber was so obsessed with pirates in the urban jungle that he captured and ran off with $130 worth of booty from the woman’s car. A lesson to everyone, never assume that your pirated Madonna and Drake CDs, used cherry lip balm and a cup holder full of pennies are not of value. Someone’s trash is another pirate’s treasure. Arrgh.

No Harm, No Foul?

A student reported her vehicle was hit while parked at SF State’s Lot 20 on the fourth level. The incident occurred Feb. 13, and we are to assume that since the student was not present, she missed out on her long-life dream to reenact the theme park experience of bumper cars on a real-life scale. She reported the incident to University police two days later,  probably because she was so shocked and distraught at missing out on the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Masters of Trashy Art

Lot 20 seems to be an extremely popular place for crime and shenanigans. The poor area’s rusty and tired elevators were victims of vandalism Feb. 15 with spray-painted and permanent marker graffiti. Presumably, the urge of these young taggers-in-training to represent the 415 inspired them to create art masterpieces of statements that don’t express full thoughts, use poor grammar and have misspellings of the most basic of words. Clearly, they’ve missed too many of their English 114 classes.