The Ins And Outs: Losing your sex club virginity

Since sex in public comes with all kinds of legal strings attached, you might have decided to bring it indoors. But bumping and grinding in your room with the door closed is just plain boring if you’re a bit of an exhibitionist – so head to a sex club.

San Francisco has lots of them including Power Exchange, a pansexual venue where anything goes; SF Citadel, a BDSM club currently changing venues; and Mission Control, which features themed play parties. Sex clubs are designed for people to engage in sexual activities, either with a partner or a stranger, in the safety of a closed building. No cops, no legal problems. Unfortunately, going to a sex club for the first time can be a bit intimidating if you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Lucky for you sex club virgins, there’s some pretty basic guidelines.

Individual clubs tend to have their own rules and codes of conduct along the lines of being respectful and getting permission before touching anything, and no photography of any kind. Maggie Mayhem, fetish model and blogger of, recommends that sex club virgins treat their first visit to a sex club as they would going to any new place.

“Visiting a sex club for the first time is a lot like traveling to a new country. It’s exciting but it can also be intimidating because it’s a whole new culture that often comes with its own language and jargon,” she said.

Accept as a newbie that you aren’t familiar with everything that’s going on and don’t be afraid to take your time getting used to the situation.

“Remember that walking through the door is not an obligation to engage in any activity,” Mayhem said. “It is not uncommon for first-timers to spend their first visit just watching and getting a feel for things. Remember: You don’t have to jump into the deep end feet first. You can always check things out one night and come back again at a later date.”

If you do choose to jump into the action, don’t just walk up to someone and start touching or engaging in some sort of sexual activity. Wait for an explicit yes as your green light and then go for it. And if you get turned down, don’t be afraid to try again with someone else. Just because you’re not right for that one person doesn’t mean you’re not exactly what someone else is looking for.

If your night ends up being just plain terrible, try, try again.

“If your first experience wasn’t quite what you’re looking for but the idea of going to a sex club still intrigues you, shop around and check out a different venue or a different theme night,” Mayhem recommends. “The more specifically you can identify what you want, the easier it will be to find a good match.”

As long as you don’t stand in the corner masturbating like a creeper, you’re going to be just fine.