Campus crime update: A bathroom bandit, a bookstore thief and a stolen vehicle

Urine? You’re out!

Officers observed a women’s restroom window that someone had attempted to open in the Gymnasium Nov. 22. After some serious investigating, it was determined that access was not gained by this bathroom bandit. In all fairness, sometimes controlling your bladder is just not an option. When there is a window of opportunity, you take it, even if it includes minor breaking and entering. Just as long as you tip your bathroom attendant for giving you a hot towel, you’re square.

Shoplifter? I Hardly Know Her!

There were reports of a subject being held at The Bookstore for allegedly shoplifting Nov. 15. Officers responded, cited the subject and advised him to leave. With the prices of textbooks steadily rising, it is no wonder that this hooligan wanted to stick it to the man known as Follett Corporation. This young rascal was probably just trying to snag a book to catch up with the recent release of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2” by reading the book before partaking in the cinematic adventure with young teenagers who aren’t bright enough to read “The Hunger Games.”

Grand Theft Uh-oh

Officers viewed a suspicious unoccupied vehicle Nov.17 at Lot 19. It was reported that the vehicle had been stolen. The registered owner was notified and eventually responded to recover his property. We’re sure that self-made millionaire of Night Rider fame, Michael Knight, was thrilled to be reunited with his justice-seeking, crime-fighting and artificially intelligent vehicle, KITT. We can all sleep a little more soundly knowing that the Hoff is out there protecting us from an unforeseen harm instead of making solo albums that sell really well in Germany.