Campus crime update: Mall vandals, door sealers and drunken shenanigans

Let’s Go To The Mall…Today!

There was a group of subjects that vandalized the Stonestown Galleria Dec. 1. When officers responded, the subjects were detained and told that the Stonestown security would hold them until the San Francisco Police Department could respond. While vandalism is something that shouldn’t be endorsed, come on, how can you really allow mall cops to keep you detained? They wear bicycle helmets and have to ride Segways to keep up with the heavy traffic of would-be goths and punkers going to Hot Topic. Would you really take orders from Paul Blart?

Stuck On You

Two locks were glued shut at the department of plant operations Nov. 30 and officers took a report Dec. 1. While gluing the doors shut may seem like a good way to get your class cancelled, pranks are better when they can’t be easily reversed with a crowbar and a little elbow grease. Dear not-so-merry pranksters: Next time perhaps you could make better use of your time studying for that exam rather than trying to seal the building where it’s taking place.

What seems to be the officer, problem? 

A 6-feet-2-inches tall male was observed banging on walls and vomiting around Buckingham Way Nov. 29. When officers responded and approached the individual, they determined that he was drunk in public. When Plato said, “he was a wise man who invented beer,” he did not mean to get into a verbal spat with a wall. You know you’re too drunk when you start losing arguments with inanimate objects.