Bible in need of gender-neutral language

In the beginning, God created a glorious being called Adam, man, and when he got bored he scrounged up the leftovers and made some chick named Eve.

According to Genesis, Eve really screwed up the whole humanity game one day when she nibbled on a Granny Smith.

Because of Eve’s Vitamin C deficiency, God got pissed, threw them out of this really epic garden and, ever since, the girl’s reputation has been in the pits.

Eve hasn’t been the only girl picked last on the Bible’s all-star kickball team; women have been historically excluded from consideration in the religious text.

Saturated with phrases such as the Father, the son, Him, brothers and mankind, it seems an impossible feat for women to get in this creed conversation. Can I get an a-women?

Luckily, the New International Version Bible has given a woman-word or two in the book that structures more than 2.1 billion worldviews throughout the globe.

Though the capital “Him” and “He” terms are kept in their patriarchal preservation, words like brother are accompanied by an “or sister” and the new Bible refrains from the usage of “he” or “him” when referring to an unidentified person.

The benefits of gender inclusivity in the text read by more than 33 percent of the world’s population is immeasurable. Since many young Christian girls often hear a sermon before a history lesson, acknowledgement from the supposed almighty entity might give a small boost of confidence for later years, wouldn’t you say?

However, the gender-neutral Bible has been met with heavy opposition. Namely, the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, an organization dedicated to spreading the word of Christ’s love through male domination, believes that such equality would shift from the “natural” order permitted by God.

“In the home, men lovingly are to lead their wives and family as women intelligently are to submit to the leadership of their husbands,” the CBMW website says.

According CBMW, the rise of feminist egalitarianism has become a huge threat to the gender divisions that serve as a foundation to Christian men and women.

Are we really supposed to believe that when Mother Theresa entered heaven, accompanied by her renowned compassion and incomparable kindness, Jesus took one look at her and said “Make me a pie, woman”?

Gender-neutrality must be implemented into religious texts in order for society to work toward a state of equality.

If we can apply equality to a text considered so cardinal to centuries of oppressive chauvinists, think of the implications this could have to each little girl in her Sunday best.
And to the CBMW, for the love of God, get over yourselves.