With a table full of ropes, belts and whips, a director from Kink University, introduced BDSM to a room of 23 students at the Cesar Chavez Student Center in a workshop called Playing by the Ropes: Kink & Bondage 101.
The event was hosted by the Educational and Referral Organization for Sexuality, a division of the Associated Students, Inc. EROS promotes sex-positive and judgement-free education and hosts workshops that allow students to explore alternative forms of sexuality.
Director of Kink University, Danarama, has practiced BDSM for 20 years and has dedicated his career to teaching others about it through workshops that explore the history, significance and practices within the community. Kink University, affiliated with the San Francisco-based internet pornography site kink.com, offers instructional videos online for those interested in getting into BDSM
“People practice BDSM because it can create an endorphin rush which makes them have a different kind of connection with their partner,” Danarama said.
A scene is usually made up of a top and a bottom and the two roles aren’t determined by gender. Bottoms are submissive, while tops have more control and usually use devices on the bottom.
Danarama also attempted to clear up the stigmas and misconceptions surrounding BDSM, or bondage and discipline sadomasochism, explaining that it used to be classified as a psychological disorder. He also differentiated the difference between BDSM and abuse in a relationship.
“There’s no form of sensuality that’s more based on trust and communication and reputation and negotiation,” Danarama said.
He explained that abuse takes away power non-consensually from the victim and destroys all forms of trust, causing them to be afraid of their partner. Danarama said BDSM is different because it’s a consensual power exchange that should always be about getting permission from your partner.
Danarama emphasized the importance of informed consent, which means getting permission from your partner before any BDSM scene. He said there should be an explanation of the reactions they can expect from using any device, especially if they have a lasting physical effect.
“You also need to establish how they identify and what they prefer their genitalia to be called,” Danarama said. “You don’t want to misgender someone or refer to their genitalia as something that turns them off.”
The topic of safewords was also something that Danarama explained to students. He mentioned that many people use safewords to tell their partner when to stop or when to lighten up the action.
“Consent is a continuous process and it is in the moment and can be revoked at any time,” Danarama said.
Safewords can be common words like red and yellow, and are used to send messages to your partner based on your feelings while experimenting with BDSM.
Danarama explained that a simple “stop” or “no” might not work in BDSM because people often use these words as part of the excitement in their play.
He then went over the different tools and devices used in BDSM. While the practice can be known for its use of whips or chains, it’s also possible to perform scenes with ropes and zip ties.
He demonstrated the tools and devices with his friend, Amy Faye, who has been practicing BDSM for 10 years and also teaches Kink education classes. He showed students different spanking and rope techniques with her.
Students were then given the opportunity to try the rope techniques on each other, like Maya Chatman, a computer science major, and Felicia Macedo, a child and adolescent development major.
While Chatman had been interested in BDSM before, Macedo was completely new to it and walked away with a whole new perspective.
“Now that I know more about the consent aspect and the history, I would be more interested in trying it out,” Macedo said.
For Chatman, this experience only solidified her desire to try more BDSM in her personal life.
“Now that I know that I do like it I just need to find a partner that would be open to trying this out with me,” Chatman said.
While sexual acts can be involved in different scenes of BDSM, intercourse doesn’t always have to happen during the scene. Faye said in many cases it happens after the scene or not at all.
“It could be sexual, it could be about sensation play, but it’s more of a power exchange than a sexual experience,” Faye said. “It just depends on the person and what they’re interested in.”
At the end of the event, students were able to keep the shibari ropes they practiced with so that they could continue to dabble in the more introductory aspects of BDSM.
