Campus Crime Update: Thievery, Illegal Driving, and Wormholes

Bookstore Thefts, oh my!
Between September 19 and 22.

Man, the bookstore can’t catch a break! Last week, there were five reported incidents of attempted shoplifting at the SF State bookstore. As of this writing, there have been 17 reported incidents logged by SF State police since August 11. Perhaps the bookstore should invest in more anti-theft measures. I’m thinking freshman bodyguards (pay ’em cheap), full body scanners (works for the airport!), or tasers. No one likes tasers.

Driving while suspended
Between September 20 and 23

So it’s 8 a.m. and you need to get to school. Do you take the 29 down Sunset Boulevard, knowing you won’t arrive on campus until 2 p.m., or do you risk driving your 1993 Honda Civic despite not having a valid license? Well three people really wanted to make that 8:35 a.m. macrame class and chose the latter. Campus police pulled these individuals over, cited them, and had their cars towed. And keeping with the math theme, there have been eight incidents of this since August 19. Learn more about driving with a suspended license at

Suspicious car is suspicious
September 21

A suspicious vehicle was spotted on Tapia Drive. The report says, “Officers respond” and ends there. So what happened? Did they look in the car only to discover a map to El Dorado and choose to not tell anyone? Did the car become a space wormhole and suck them into another time, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure style? Perhaps the car was not a car at all, but really part of a Salvador Dali painting, and the officers began melting into the folds of reality and perception. No one will ever know.