Campus crime update: a lonely knife, a bridge troll and a fashionable car thief

Sharp Things

Nov. 9 there was a report of a knife left unattended at the J. Paul Leonard Library. Officers responded and took possession of the knife and marked it for destruction — which, if you think about it, is not entirely fair. This student could have been in the middle of buttering his toast and forgot that he set the toaster to “dark” and had to leave his cutlery behind while he saved his food from a burnt doom. Get the point, officers?

The Bell Trolls for Thee

An officer spotted a subject under the bridge at the Sutro Library Nov. 7. When approached, the subject challenged the officer to a fight and then ran. The officer caught up and took him into custody. The suspect lost con-troll when he decided to go Street Fighter on the officer and now we have no bridge troll collecting tolls. If any volunteer is willing to pa-troll this area, please contact campus police.

Stop Thief! Give Me Back What’s Mine!

A suspect burglarized a parked car Nov. 10. The suspect was described as a 25-year-old male, 5 feet tall, wearing all black clothing, sunglasses and black gloves. In the words of Peter Parker: “If you’re going to steal cars, don’t dress like a car thief.” We have a weekly fashion column that could help you burglarize in style, or maybe throw in some leopard print on those black gloves to set yourself apart from all those would-be thieves.